hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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