oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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