she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
