We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
