just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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