kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
