Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
