i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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