i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
