i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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