get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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