my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
