Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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