Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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