He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
