You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
