took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
