We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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