you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
