mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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