so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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