put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
