I wish I could teleport
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
