My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Drunk is a universal language darling
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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