You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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