wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
