kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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