Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
