I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize