Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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