This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
