Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
