just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
