yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
