is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
