I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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