I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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