I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
