I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
