I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
