And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
