Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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