It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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