Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
