shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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