There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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