I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
