i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
