Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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