I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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