I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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