Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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