On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
