I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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