Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
