i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
