her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
