I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize