hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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