Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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