I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
