omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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