he wants to bone in the snuggie
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
