i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
