He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
