i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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