I am in a vortex of obligation.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
