So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
