I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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