i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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