His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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