I love black thongs
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
