I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
