I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize