I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
