Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
