You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
