Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
