he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
