I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
