Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
