Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
