Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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