Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
