The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
