new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
