That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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