Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
