I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
