and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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