so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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