You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
